Marceline the Human
by Crowbartender
Summary: Marceline stole the wrong witch's jam-filled donut. Enraged, the witch strips Marceline of her vampire powers and turns her into a human. An apology won't break this spell, but a kiss from her true love will. The problem: Marceline doesn't have a true love and she certainly doesn't want one after she realises being a vampire was the real curse.
1. Training

**Inspiration for human Marcy goes to DistanceToEarth from DA. Her art style is fucking badass and I don't even know her, but I think she's great anyway.**

* * *

Something warm was on Marceline. Licks of heat covered her entire body and it was not a feeling she was familiar with. It was too gentle to be the blazing flames of the Fire Kingdom, too pleasant to be the angry breath of a dragon. No, this warmth was foreign, something lost in her vast collection of memories and experiences stored over a millennium. She was burning, yes, she could feel her skin breaking out into a sweat, but there was no pain.

Marceline dizzily eased herself up, leaning back on her hands for support as she squinted and scanned her surroundings. She was outside, lying near a large hedge. It was lined with thorny trunks and vines and had a gate nestled in its leaves that was chained shut.

Now she recalled what had happened. She'd busted into that place and stole a donut and the noodle-thin witch with the arched spine that lived there shouted some incantation and knocked her out. The lunatic must've messed her up pretty badly if the spell had actually managed to make the Vampire Queen lose consciousness. Marceline lifted her hands and studied her palms, only to find hands that weren't hers. She curled her fingers to confirm they were attached to her, and then she flipped them. Yes, she had control of them, they were hers, but something was wrong. They had changed colour. Instead of the bluish grey they'd been, they were now tan.

Sluggishly climbing to her feet, Marceline headed to a nearby stream, feeling weighed down by some sort of invisible force. It sat heavily on her shoulders and she couldn't even float. Marceline walked to the line of water and folded to her knees, planning to splash her face in an attempt to clear her head. But as she plunged her oddly coloured hands into the stream, she noticed something: She had a reflection. Her face was the same colour as her hands, and her eyes, once red, were now brown.

"What the plum did that-whoa." Marceline had to double check what she'd just seen in her reflection. She hooked a finger under her upper lip and lifted it, exposing her teeth. She had regular sized canines. No fangs, no forked tongue -she brushed her hair over her shoulder- no bite wounds on her neck, no pointed ears. It was obvious what all these features resembled and Marceline furiously slammed her fists into the water, the splash soaking her.

"That psycho turned me into a human!"

Marceline, still not used to her new body and the damn gravity, clumsily stood up and jogged back to the witch's garden. She tripped twice, before slowing to a brisk walk. She already hated not being able to fly.

Once she was in front of the gate, she latched onto it and rattled it to get the witch's attention.

"Hey, ugly! Turn me back!" she barked when the witch slithered up to her.

"No! You ate one of my babies! Now you must PAY!" the witch yelled, stroking a donut she'd been carrying lovingly, as if trying to sooth it now that it had lost one of its brothers.

"I swear, I'll eat you if you don't change me back," Marceline growled, willing her face to contort, to become monstrous, but nothing happened. Right. Human.

"Weak little humans can't hurt witches. Why do you think they're all dead? Humans are like dogs. They think they're so strong and smart, but they're actually pathetically weak and stupid."

"You're stupid."

"Leave! You will be cursed forever!" The witch waved her cane, probably preparing to cast another spell. Even so, Marceline wasn't deterred.

"Come on, it was just a donut! You can have it back tomorrow if it means that much to you! Sure, it won't look or taste as-"

"No! No! Do not speak of donuts that way! There is only one thing you can do to break the spell!"

"What?"

"A kiss from your true love."

"You old bat; I don't have a true love."

"Find one then, but good luck. No one can love a human," she cackled.

"Whatever, lady. You're nuts. I'll just get bitten by a vampire again," Marceline said, but the witch only shook her head and sneered.

"It won't work! There's only one way! Now get lost before I turn you into something worse than a human: a politician," she threatened, sweeping her hand out in front of her. The bushes near the gate came together, shutting Marceline out.

"Ugh!" Marceline punched the iron gates, but it just hurt her knuckles. She hadn't felt pain like that since she lost her umbrella on a sunny day. Wait… the sun. She looked up and realised she'd been in sunlight the whole time. That's what the strange sensation on her skin was. She'd never known what it was like to have the sun touch her without causing her harm. It was kind of nice, like a bath after a stressful day.

She backed away from the witch's garden, only to trip over her own hair. It was the longest it'd ever been and she'd meant to shorten it a few weeks back, but it never caused her any trouble, so she left it alone. But now, the length couldn't be altered by thought alone. She had no control over her shape or size. Everything was so… normal.

Marceline never knew how horrible it was to be human, how inconvenient. She'd never thought Finn had it this rough, but she supposed he'd never mention it if he did. He was stubborn and full of boyish pride.

With Finn now on her mind, Marceline thought it would be best to find out what it meant to be human from the only human she knew. Surely he had some advice to help make things a little easier for her. She felt like a newborn, so helpless and ignorant.

Too frazzled by her change, Marceline had failed to locate her axe bass once she'd woken up. It ended up being stuck in a tree, entangled in the high branches. She couldn't just fly up and pluck it out. She had to climb the whole thing using her own strength, which she was lacking in. She felt fat and frail. It sucked. So did the scratches the stray twigs were giving her. She no longer healed instantly and she was bleeding.

Panting, the woman finally reached her axe. She tore it from the broken branches, but too forcefully. When it was free, it weighed more than it used to, and Marceline fell backwards. She fell out of the tree, axe in hand, face first.

"That witch is so dead when I turn back," she grumbled into the earth, wincing as she stood up. Her clothes were torn and her hair was full of bark and leaves. She hadn't noticed how it managed to never knot or get objects stuck in it before.

With a heave and a grunt, Marceline lifted her axe and sliced it through her hair. Stray locks either rode the wind and disappeared, or pooled in the grass by Marceline's boots. Her hair barely reached her waist now. Much more manageable.

The vampire-turned-human made her way to Finn and Jake's tree house, limping.

It took her a good half hour to reach her destination and while it was amazing to be out in the sun, Marceline hated that she was breathless and covered in sweat and patches of dried blood. She'd never walked so far before, not in one thousand years.

She knocked on the door of the tree house and Finn answered.

"Hey, Marcy, wha- holy cow! What the heck happened to you?!"

"Let's just say I ate a bad donut," she said between pants. She rested her hand against the doorframe and used it to keep herself balanced. She felt like fainting again. "I need a favour."

"I…Uh… Sure. What is it?"

"Teach me how to be a human."

* * *

Once Marceline was bandaged up, Finn and Jake showered her with questions, which she was in no mood to answer. All she wanted to do was sleep and eat. She'd told them about the witch, and Jake took it personally and swore to help Marceline find true love no matter what. He was already on the phone calling various dudes to hook her up with.

Finn, on the other hand, was attempting to impart his knowledge of humans.

"So, uh, being human is easy once you get the hang of it. All you have to do is remember to go to bed early and eat six meals a day and use the bath-"

"I know that stuff, bozo. What I mean is, now that I'm not a vampire, I can't be the vampire queen, so I want to know what you do all day."

"Well, being a hero is a fulltime job. I guess, as a human, you have to be a hero, too," he reasoned.

"That sounds horrible!"

"It's totes rad, Marcy. You can come with me and fight villains while Jake sets you up with guys, no probs."

Marceline missed being a vampire with every story of heroism Finn told her. Saving people instead of killing them? Helping the downtrodden instead of treading on them some more? What kind of life was that? She supposed that she'd at least try it in between finding her true love and junk. Loving her family was one thing, but loving someone who wasn't related to her seemed farfetched. She'd never cared about anyone that didn't share her blood. Well, there was one person…

But they'd never love her.

She decided to stay at Finn and Jake's for the night and Jake cooked spaghetti. Eating was one good thing about being a human. The taste of solid food, food that wasn't red, was wonderful. The pasta was what Marceline enjoyed. She'd had her share of red meat and when she had seconds, she skipped the mince. She ate the noodles like she was starved, though that's only because she was pretending it was the witch's spine she was tearing apart.

Overall, it was a pleasant meal.

* * *

"Pop quiz!" Finn announced as he flipped over the back of the couch and landed next to a dishevelled Marceline, who didn't take her eyes off BMO. "First question: what do you do when you see an old lady struggling to carry some bags?"

"Sneak up behind her, scare her so she drops the bags, and then fly away laughing."

"Wrong. You carry the bags for her. Next question: when you see a lost kid, how do you help them?"

"Turn into a werewolf and try to eat them, only stopping once they pee themselves."

"No! Gross! You find their parents! Marcy, you suck gumballs at this hero stuff."

"I'm just kidding around, Finn. I rescue the damsels, take down the bad guys, help people mow the lawn," Marceline listed indifferently. She paused her game and sunk back into the cushions. "Boring jazz," she determined.

"It's not boring when you see how happy it makes them. You remember the most important rules, though, right?" Finn prodded, pulling the controller out of Marceline's wounded hands. She had scabs forming.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't kill anyone and don't punish someone if they did nothing wrong. You only told me a million times. Can I do this now, or what?"

"Sure thing. Jake, you ready?"

"You go on without me, bro. I'm still rounding up guys for Marceline. So far, they're all too afraid of her." Jake didn't blame them. He was still a little unsure of her, even without her powers.

Marceline started to chuckle. She knew finding love was important, but it tickled her funny bone so much when she found out how much people feared her. That terror fed her, made her feel alive.

"Keep trying," Finn called as he jumped up and raced for the front door. Marceline, eager to test the limitations of her handicapped body, following him. When Jake was cursed, he had trouble keeping up with the boy's energetic pace, but Marceline wasn't completely inactive before this. She may not have run much, but she wasn't unfit. Plus having long legs helped.

She kept up with Finn, axe bass strapped to her back, as they headed towards the Candy Kingdom.

When they entered the kingdom, Marceline wasn't assaulted by frightened glances or overwhelming smells. The sweet scent in the air was much more subtle and the Candy Folk only looked at her curiously, while nodding and waving at Finn. It seemed her reputation was non-existent. She had a clean slate, a new opportunity to build herself a different life. The question was: did she want another life? Did being human change who she was?

Shaking off the uncertainty, she followed Finn deeper into the Candy Kingdom, watching for anyone in distress. These damn people were made of food, how could they not be under constant attack?

Then Marceline's chance presented itself in the form of a scream. It came from the centre of town, where Princess Bubblegum's castle was. Finn and Marceline sprinted down the candy-coated roads and were welcomed with a snowstorm. They were buried in a sub zero blanket and Marceline was the first to dig herself out. She snatched at Finn's groping hand and lifted him from the confines of snow.

A familiar chortle accompanied the blizzard and Finn aggressively bellowed, "Ice King!"

He waded through the mountains of snow building up around the castle and flung himself inside, preparing to ascend the vast stretches of stairs. Marceline took another route to Bubblegum's room. She hoisted herself up onto a nearby wall and began scaling the towers by gripping scattered bricks that stuck out more than others did and jumping atop spires that were close to windowsills she could use to pull herself up.

She was making progress and the struggle was getting louder, but the human never made it to the princess' tower, for Bubblegum flew by her, plummeting down to the road covered in ice. Marceline yelped and let go of the bricks she had clung to and dove for the princess. She wrapped one arm around Bubblegum's waist and grabbed her axe with her free hand, then she thrust the blade into the castle's belly. A large crack formed and Marceline and Bubblegum stopped falling.

The princess had wound her arms tightly around Marceline's neck, her eyes clenched shut. She thought she was a goner after slipping on that sheet of ice, but luckily Finn was there to save her, like always.

"Oh, Finn," she breathed in relief. She pulled back, kissed the cheek of her hero, and opened her eyes. She was smiling enchantingly, but who she found staring back at her was definitely not Finn.

"Uh, hey, Bonni," Marceline said, unwilling to mention that her hand was really sweaty and causing her to lose her grip on her axe. She was too embarrassed. Bubblegum had just kissed her, mistaking her for someone else entirely. She'd never been in such an awkward position, quite literally. Her hand slipped more and Bubblegum leant back shyly. They were still a fair distance from the ground, so she couldn't let go and expect to be fine after such a drop.

"Um, Marceline. What a surprise… I didn't expect you to be…"

Bubblegum's words were cut off by a scream. Her own scream, because, as they smiled and muttered bashfully, Marceline reached the end of her axe's handle and now they both tumbled down to the ground, landing among a crowd of concerned onlookers. The princess landed on top, the impact softer for her, and her knee was lodged a little too far up between Marceline's legs and as she was about to apologise, Marceline switched places with her.

Startled, mouth agape, eyes wide, Bubblegum watched as Marceline's axe fell from the crack in the castle wall and came crashing down, thankfully sideways, onto Marceline's back. The human released a small cry, but wasn't spared much time to collect her senses as bricks followed after her axe and rained over her.

Soon, the debris stopped falling and clouds of dust remained. Candy People coughed, waving away the haze to see whether their ruler was okay.

When the air cleared, Marceline was still curled around Bubblegum. Everyone watched anxiously, with bated breath, as Marceline rocked back onto her haunches, dirty, injured, but with a safe princess beneath her.

"Marceline, you're -"

"A human?" she finished, grinning down at Bubblegum. Her upper lip was slit and her right incisor had been chipped after her mouth had slammed into the princess' crown.

"A hero!"

The Candy People who had gathered cheered as Finn joined her side. He helped Princess Bubblegum up as everyone circled and praised an incredibly disoriented Marceline.


	2. Two faced

**The length of this story is unknown, but I can assure you that there are more chapters on the way. If it wasn't clear, this will be a Bubbline fic.**

**This chapter is dedicated to NickelodeonPrincess. I hope this lifts your spirits**

* * *

Word of Marceline's heroism travelled fast across Ooo. No longer was she the ghoul that kept children awake at night, but the superwoman that helped them sleep. It was a big change. A change that she couldn't adapt to as quickly as Finn wanted her to. He was constantly on her case about her manners and aloof behaviour. It wasn't her fault that she didn't care about some dude who was robbed and wanted her to help find the culprit simply out of the good of her heart. She had one of those now, one that actually worked.

But that didn't change who she was. Vampire or not, she still had her own personality, her own morals, neither of which altered with her species.

Presently, she was strolling through the Candy Kingdom, the place she first gained the unwanted reputation of a hero. Candy People smiled at her and some even presented her with goods. That was a neat benefit. Some old lollipop lady had given her a basket of hot muffins and she ate them feverishly. The taste of real food was definitely a perk she could get used to.

As Marceline buried into her seventh muffin, a cry came from behind her. She twisted her head around, muffin still in her mouth, and spotted a peppermint child running up to her.

"Um, hero lady, could you help me get my kite down from that tree?" he asked hopefully, pointing to a cotton candy tree a few metres away, a blue kite tangled in its limbs. For a candy that didn't even reach her knee, it would be impossible for him to get it down.

"Do it yourself, kid," she said dismissively, stuffing the rest of the muffin into her mouth.

The peppermint's eyes started to water and he whimpered. But Marceline's coldness didn't thaw. She had seen plenty of crocodile tears in her millennium and this whiny brat wasn't really upset. He just wanted to brag to his friends about how Marceline the Human gave him a hand.

"Don't be such a jerk, Marceline!"

The human rolled her eyes. Of_ course_ she had an audience and of _course_ it had to be the bossiest goody-two-shoes on the planet. Marceline gruffly shoved her basket into the child's arms and stormed over to the tree. The kite was on the lowest branch and only required her to reach for it from the ground. She tore it free, moderately undamaged, and carried it over to the star struck peppermint. They exchanged items and he grinned up at her with such delight and admiration that it was almost sickening. She sighed and gave him a muffin.

Amazed, he took it and managed an even wider smile. "Thank you!" he chirped, then bounded away to join his friends, who had been watching from a short distance away.

Marceline then turned to her spectator and glared.

"Happy?"

"Yes. That was an act of a true hero," Bubblegum praised. The princess had been watching Marceline stride down the street with a sour expression that seemed to worsen when someone spoke to her. Only the braver Candy People approached her with cheerful words and gifts, while others were too intimidated to thank her or offer her something. She needed to fix her attitude, of that Bubblegum was certain.

"I'm so glad that everyone is on my back about this hero bizz. Can't I be left alone?" Marceline fumed, spinning around and stalking in the direction she'd come. Her axe bass slapped her back and made a foul sound. It matched her mood. She furiously sunk her teeth in to another muffin. If she still had her powers, she could've turned into a monster and eaten the princess by now.

"You make it sound like we're forcing you to help people," Bubblegum noted amusedly, following Marceline.

"You are! Everyone expects me to have changed now that I'm human. News flash, Bonni, I'm still the same!" To prove her point, she lugged a muffin at an ice cream woman who was cleaning her store window. She didn't even notice it get stuck in her creamy head. Marceline gestured to the oblivious shopkeeper with a snicker. "See?"

Bubblegum shook her head disapprovingly and asked, "Why are you pursuing the identity of a hero if you despise the idea so much?"

Marceline's smirk fell and she realised the princess had cornered her. She hadn't expected that question, nor had she asked herself it. She just felt inclined from the beginning to trial the life of a human, even though she knew being human didn't equate to being a hero.

"I… um… shut up…" she mumbled, blushing. She was caught.

"It seems there's a part of you that does want to help others. How sweet." If anything was sweet, it was the way Bubblegum smiled at her. As much as it bugged the human, it warmed her heart, too. Even when it wasn't beating. Yep, some things really didn't change.

Marceline brought a partially bandaged hand up to her face and rubbed at a band-aid covered scratch and moaned, "Why are you still here?"

"I came to invite you to a party I'm throwing in your honour. Someone told me you were wandering around the kingdom, so I thought I'd deliver the invitation myself," Bubblegum replied, fishing a scrap of paper from her pocket that held the details of the party. Marceline took it, scanned over the kind and flattering words regarding her rescue three days prior and continued to scratch her wound. Why did it itch so much? Slow healing was awful.

"Oh, uh, thanks. I love a good party."

"You saved my life; it's the least I can do."

Bubblegum touched Marceline's arm and when the human reluctantly met Bubblegum's gaze, feelings buried deep within herself, feelings she never wanted to rise, stirred from their dormant state. Like a fire in her belly, they danced and blazed and Marceline reacted the same way she did in the past when she experienced these unwanted emotions that only occurred when Bubblegum did something as simple as touch her. She pushed her nearly empty basket of muffins into Bubblegum's arms, freed herself, and ran away.

"Where are you going?!" the princess called after her.

"I think I hear a pixie stuck in a well!" she lied.

* * *

Finn and Jake arrived at the party late and made a very boisterous entrance. Jake was the size of a bull and Finn did a backflip off the dog's head and landed on his feet at the bottom of the stairs leading to the foyer. But no one noticed. Everyone's focus was on Marceline, who leant against a wall, plucking stings of her axe bass. People were throwing requests for songs at her, but she'd already sang three and now she wanted a break. The spotlight was on her and without a stage or the ability to fly, she was stuck amongst the grabbing hands of her admirers.

She rotated the strap so the weapon/instrument slid back behind her and the Candy People made disappointed noises as she did so. She felt so trapped.

Now that Marceline's music was no longer filling the room, Bubblegum took it as her opportunity to say a few words. She tapped her glass.

"Attention, friends!" she shouted.

All the partygoers faced the princess.

"I'd like to dedicate this wild night to Marceline for saving me. She's our new hero!"

Everyone clapped and if they were lucky enough to be close to her (and tall enough), some gave the human a congratulatory pat on the back. She didn't like to be touched. No one ever had the nerve to.

Finn thought the announcement would be longer, because he believed Bubblegum would mention how he was the one to defeat the Ice King, but she said no more. She set down her drink, turned on the stereo, and started to dance with her guests.

Jake had found Lady Rainicorn and was having some overly sappy conversation with her, so Finn, bitter with jealousy, sat down in a corner and watched everyone try to get near Marceline. He used to be the centre of attention and Marceline hadn't even been a hero for a week and she was stealing all his thunder. Not that being a hero was about being worshipped, but being acknowledged every now and again was nice.

"Hey, boy, why do you look so down?"

Finn glanced up to find an unfamiliar creature standing over him. It was a panther in a red dress. Her tail brushed his arm and she bent down to his level, staring at him with swirling gold eyes. The way they shifted was almost hypnotic, like a whirlpool of lava.

"No reason," he said gloomily, looking back at Marceline. She didn't appear happy with the way people treated her, and she was only acting like this under his instruction. Finn hated being jealous of something he created.

"This is a party, so you should be enjoying yourself," the panther said, her tail curling under Finn's chin and making him meet her heated gaze again. "Go dance with the happy little candies." For a second, her eyes turned red, but then they were gold again and swirling and Finn wrote it off as just the recently switched on disco lights.

"Yeah, I should," he agreed, his mood improving. Ooo needed more helping hands, so there was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. "Thanks lady," he said over his shoulder.

The boy joined the group of Candy People who were throwing punch at each other and he picked one up and dumped him in the bowl with a splash. The others laughed and high fived Finn.

All was well for a while, but the party crasher, the panther, was starting to make Marceline suspicious. She kept weaving through the crowd, never participating in the chaotic events, just observing with a sneer. Things slowed down when she did this.

Bubblegum soon emerged, fresh from dancing up a sweat, and she stood beside Marceline. The human, suddenly nervous, bristled when she felt the princess' hand on her arm and breath on her ear.

"Marcy… something's wrong," she whispered.

Sobering, Marceline looked at her old friend worriedly.

"What is it?" she asked over the music. Bubblegum flapped her hand, indicating a lower volume. The human moved closer, turned her head, and tapped her ear impatiently. Bubblegum leant towards it.

"There's a succupuss here. She's draining everyone's energy. I need you to sing something sad, so everyone calms down. It's the only way to weaken her."

The only sad song Marceline ever willingly shared was about her dad eating her fries, and she still hated singing it in front of people other than Finn. Showing her emotions made her vulnerable and vulnerability only led to getting hurt, but, hey, she was the hero now. She had to make sacrifices, right?

Once Bubblegum disappeared, Marceline ungracefully pushed all the contents off a nearby table, drawing everyone's eyes, and then she stood on top of it and swung her bass into her hands. She strummed the chords and fiddled with the tuning keys until she was satisfied with the sound. Then she started to play the tormenting tune. Her voice, of its own accord, was forlorn, and no matter how many times she tried not to let her lyrics overcome her, she couldn't fight the sadness that the truth always induced. She felt like a child with scraped knees that no one would help.

The screams and laughter stopped as the atmosphere darkened and Marceline's voice rose. Smiles dropped and the overly-sensitive Candy People fought back tears as they listened to their hero expose herself.

But then there was a loud hiss. Everyone turned and found the succupuss wrestling with Bubblegum for a strange gun, one of her inventions, which had two rods on its nose that sizzled with electric currents. The princess had tried to taser the beast without being detected, but she was caught. Seeing this, everyone began to panic. These frantic exertions only empowered the succupuss. She broke Bubblegum's taser and drained her body until she passed out.

Finn hurled himself at the panther, but she only cackled and absorbed his energy, too. By the time he collided with her, he was too weak to do any damage. He collapsed to the floor.

Before Jake made the same error, Marceline leapt off the table and onto his back. He was sprinting at the succupuss, but Marceline clenched his ears and pulled them, like reigns, and made him skid to a stop.

"Jake, don't run at her! She'll only suck your energy away! Sneak up on her slowly, then hold her down," Marceline instructed.

When Jake nodded, she slid off the dog's back and grabbed an upended table. She flipped it so it was on its side and then hid behind it, peeking over the top to wait for Jake to get into position.

Candy People littered the floor, unconscious. Lady Rainicorn knew what the creature was, but was no match. She had been thrown into a pot plant and now lay with its shattered pieces around her.

Finn was trying to get up, and the succupuss was more than happy to sap him of even more of his strength. She laughed and started to grow. Her tail almost whipped Jake as he came up behind her, the size of a mouse. He then flattened himself against the ground and stretched out his arms, looping them around her ankles, anchoring her.

The succupuss felt the slither of his fur against hers and she looked down in confusion. His arms had proceeded to coil around her calves. Now distracted by the things still climbing her legs, she didn't notice Marceline stand from behind the table, nor did she notice the axe flying towards her.

Marceline was far away, and Finn managed to block out her energy currents, so she put all of her power into this single throw. The axe summersaulted through the air and made a whooshing sound loud enough to cause the succupuss to turn around, but seeing the oncoming weapon didn't change anything. The axe's blade smashed into her face, sliced through it and cut her head in half.

In a flood of light, the succupuss exploded. Beams of every colour shot from her body and dove back into her victims.

Jake was the only one that remained conscious alongside Marceline, and as he cradled Lady and Finn in his arms, he grinned at Marceline as everyone started to wake up. While the dog took care of those two, Marceline jogged over to Bubblegum and crouched beside her. The princess was on her back, an arm shielding her eyes. The human poked her cheek.

"Hey, nerdo, I killed the cat," she said, poking Bubblegum's cheek a few more times.

Bubblegum moaned, still feeling faint. She drowsily sat up with Marceline's aid, but she swayed and fell against the human's chest.

"Excellent job, hero," she complimented hoarsely.

"Guess the party's over. Jake, can you manage getting everyone home?" Marceline asked, surveying the room. No one seemed to be injured, but all the ruckus had left the foyer completely trashed.

"Sure thing. She hardly took any of my juice, but Finn was hit way hard. Poor kid's gonna be out for a while," he said, lifting up one of Finn's eyelids. Not because he was checking to see if the boy was conscious, he just thought it looked funny.

"I declare… tomorrow as a day of rest," Bubblegum mumbled into Marceline's shirt.

Jake lifted his paw and shifted it into the shape of a spoon, then it became massive and he used it to scoop all the woozy and fallen Candy People up onto his back. Lady was already sprawled across his shoulders along with Finn.

"All aboard the Jake express! Please put on your seatbelts, and by that, I mean hold onto my meat handles for dear life." The resounding fatigued murmurs of agreement made him chuckle and then he waved at Marceline and trotted out of the castle, ready to deliver everyone safely to their homes.

"You're getting good at this," Bubblegum said, taking Marceline's hand and shakily standing up. She feebly squeezed the human's fingers gratefully, but Marceline kept her eyes on anything but the princess as they made the journey to Bubblegum's room. It was hard enough having her arm smothered between Bubblegum's breasts and if she dared to glance to her right, she knew she'd find that cursed smile. There'd be a small crease in Bubblegum's cheek, her eyes would glitter like a lake under sunlight, and for that moment, Marceline would believe that Bubblegum genuinely cared about her, was glad to know her. She hated reading too much into a simple happy expression. She did it all the time when it came to Bubblegum and it gave her false hope. Hope was for suckers.

Heart pounding and face burning, Marceline cleared her throat and calmly replied, "Whatever. Just don't expect me to clean this place up."

Bubblegum giggled and leant her head on the human's shoulder.

Marceline was a sucker.

* * *

**Also, can I just thank you all for the lovely reviews? I honestly didn't expect such a positive reaction and am pretty damn happy about it. You guys are super**


	3. Date One

**In which Marceline proves that she makes wonderful first impressions**

* * *

There was a thudding at the door. Heavy, rapid beats that shattered the calm silence of Marceline's house. Due to its location in a damp cave, the slightest sound reverberated off the muddy walls and could make the quietest of squeaks become booming thunder. The human also never knew if it was day or night, but she determined the time of day by how peeved she was when she woke up. On a good day, she awoke with nothing more than the urge to strangle someone, but on a bad day, usually when her sleep was interrupted (like in this case), she was ready to host an all-out massacre.

The human hissed like a snake and reached for her axe bass, which she kept beside her bed. She clumsily stumbled down her ladder and towards the front door, and instead of opening it, she swung her bass into door, knocking it off its hinges. With her visitor now in her sights, Marceline yelled, "What do you want?!" at them with such venom that the man on her porch cowered from his position on the ground. The axe's blade in the door had frightened him and he'd tripped over trying to avoid being stabbed.

"I- um, are you Marceline the Human?" the guy wondered. He appeared to be human himself, but Marceline knew humans were close to extinct, and Finn would've told her about him. He had unruly brown hair that fell over his eyes, which were wide with terror.

"Who wants to know?" she snapped, looming over the stranger.

"I- I'm y-your date. My name's Guy. Jake told me you were looking for a boyfriend…"

"Oh… Oh! Grod, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, I am. Let me just fix myself up and we'll go somewhere, okay?" she said, now embarrassed. She'd been ready to punch her date in the face.

Guy climbed to his feet and dusted off his pants and nodded. He thought midday was a decent time to pick up Marceline, but he supposed she was a late sleeper. Come to think of it, he was too. He was just nervous about making a good first impression and woke up early to plan what he'd say, what they'd do. Jake had told him Marceline wasn't easily impressed, so he wanted to be prepared.

Though the dog failed to mention she was an axe-wielding goddess of wrath.

Guy was even more eager to get to know her, and that eagerness only increased tenfold when she let him inside and he saw her guitar collection.

"Whoa, sick! You play?"

Marceline was half-way up the ladder to her room, but she stopped to see him excitedly testing the freshly tuned strings of her electric guitar mounted proudly on its stand by the amplifier.

"Yeah. Do you?"

"I play the keyboard."

"You know, we could just hang here and jam," Marceline suggested. "I have a keyboard in the instrument closet."

"I'm down with that," Guy replied, settling onto Marceline's couch. Now that she had to sit, she'd discovered how uncomfortable her furniture was, so she'd replaced her sofa with one that was much softer. She'd found it at a dump.

When Marceline climbed back down, her clothes hadn't really changed. She'd swapped her sweatpants for a pair of tattered three-quarter jeans and she was wearing the same shirt. She had a vast closet with varying styles of clothes, but she had to wear more practical attire just in case she had to save the day unexpectedly. She was also still very tired and didn't care how she appeared. Though she wanted Guy to think she put at least some effort into making herself presentable for him.

The human fetched the keyboard from her instrument closet, and handed it to Guy. He happily took it and switched it on. He tested one of the personalised modes out of curiosity, and found that each key had a recording of a burp. No burp was the same and mimicked the pitch the original key had.

"This might just be the coolest thing ever," he said, testing the keys and laughing as one in particular unleashed a rather ungodly burp. Marceline chuckled, having forgotten about her past project where she had tested the sound variations of audible bodily emissions. She'd erased the fake farting recordings, but kept the burps because they were real and had a lot more heart.

"Thanks, it was a solo mission. So, how do you know Jake?" Marceline asked as she fetched her axe from her front door, which now lay in pieces. Splinters and debris littered her porch and she shrugged, deciding to fix it later. She had all the tools in her basement.

"We used to play together at a restaurant, except I was on the piano then. Keyboards are way more fun and modern. You can't make a piano burp Fur Elise," he joked, smiling.

"Too true. Come on, let's do this."

For a long time, Marceline and Guy composed parodies of famous songs using the burps, but it soon transitioned into cover songs they both knew. They had similar music tastes and Marceline deemed Guy worthy enough to hear some of her own creations and not even distant screams for help could tear her away from her music. Human or vampire, hero or villain, music would always be her number one source of joy.

They played well into the night and when they stopped to raid Marceline's fridge, the human decided to pry.

"Hey, so, what are you?"

"Just a regular guy."

"You're human?"

"Technically, no."

"Well, it's cool, you don't have to tell me."

"Really?"

"Nah. You have a right to keep your bizz to yourself."

"Thanks, you're a pretty math chick."

"I can't deny that."

Guy fiddled uncomfortably with the tab of his soda can until it snapped off. The evening had been easygoing, but as he leant against the kitchen counter fidgeting, tension started to build. He didn't want to seem desperate, because he wasn't, but he was terribly curious.

When he met Marceline's eyes, he found that she was watching him expectantly. He cleared his throat. She had such a piercing gaze and she was beautiful in an unnerving kind of way.

"So… will there be a second date?" he finally asked. The look on Marceline's face didn't make him feel confident.

"Guy, you're a rad dude, and a really great jam buddy," she began.

"But?"

"But I don't want to go any further."

Guy scratched the stubble on his chin and let Marceline's rejection sink in. He waited to feel a blow to his self-esteem, or a twinge of anger, of pain, anything, but he felt… content. He'd bonded with the human through their music, but not in a romantic way. It was something else entirely, yet it was still fulfilling.

"You know what? I think that works out a lot better. It was fun hanging out."

"Friends?" Marceline offered, holding out a scabbed hand. Guy smiled and pressed his palm against hers, curled his fingers around her hand, and confirmed that they would be nothing more than what Marceline proposed.

Monsters and humans didn't really make good couples, anyway.

* * *

Jake was distraught when he found out that Marceline had turned Guy down. He was certain they were perfect for each other. Guy was mysterious and had an aura that was both alluring and intimidating, one he was sure Marceline wouldn't be able to resist, but she proved him wrong. Which meant he would have to look harder, find someone even cooler than Guy.

Finn, on the other hand, was ignoring Marceline. While she was on her date, a dragon had invaded the Candy Kingdom and was eating everyone and when he and Jake stopped the beast, the citizens asked where Marceline was, wondered why the sexy hero lady wasn't there to save them. Marceline may have saved a few lives and charmed the whole kingdom, but Finn wasn't blind. He knew Marceline wasn't a true hero. She still had a dark side, and sometimes he thought about exposing it, like, for instance, introducing everyone to her father. Or telling her father his daughter was no longer a vampire or a queen.

Hunson would probably steal the souls of everyone in Ooo, consumed by disgust and rage, and Marceline probably wouldn't stop him… Finn slapped himself in the face.

"Heck no! That's crazy!" he cried.

Jake had been sitting beside him, talking on the phone, and was startled by his brother suddenly assaulting himself. He covered the mouthpiece of the phone and stared at Finn.

"Uh, bro. You okay?"

"What? Of course!"

When Finn was in a certain mood, his voice tended to get very high-pitched. Jake always had to fight the urge to bark, because at times, it was worse than a dog whistle.

"You sure?"

"Just find Marceline a stupid boyfriend so she can fall in stupid love and things can go back to how they lumping were…Stupid," he growled. Jake blinked and watched as Finn jumped up and left the room. Sometimes he was no easier to handle than a grenade with a loose pin. Jake sighed and uncovered the mouthpiece. He believed he'd found the perfect candidate to be Marceline's boyfriend. For real this time.

* * *

**Whoa Finn, chill out**


	4. Emotional Underbelly

**Been a while, right? My bad. Lack of motivation and loss of writing abilities. The usual.**

* * *

Marceline stood awkwardly as grateful Fluffy People crowded around her and hugged her legs. She wanted to move, but she was afraid she'd step on one of the living cotton balls and Finn would probably never let her hear the end of it.

Lately, his hero lessons had been tough. He pointed out her mistakes like he took pleasure in doing so; he seemed angry with her. Negative emotions were not Marceline's thing. She hated it when people she cared for were genuinely annoyed or upset with her. Not that she'd ever admit to caring about them, nor willingly reveal that she was concerned. And, despite her dislike of emotional confrontation, every time she tried to bring it up with Finn, he'd get all moody and start telling her she was meant to be doing this instead of that, or helping someone make this instead of destroying that.

Teaming up with Finn and Jake was starting to become extremely frustrating. Jake wouldn't stop talking about guys he knew, about how right they were for her, and Finn was a brat. He obviously didn't want her on their adventures, so she decided it would just be best to stay away from the two for a while. She was better off alone. Always had been.

"Guys… could you… you know… make way?" she said, shifting her leg so they'd take a hint. Thankfully, after about ten minutes of endless hugging and thanking, the Fluffy People stepped back and allowed Marceline to leave. All Marceline did was yank one of them out of a hole. It wasn't as if they were being attacked by a Cyclops or a carnivorous phoenix like they were last week. But she understood that every society had its own customs and different ways of showing appreciation for heroes. The ones that hugged were the worst.

Her sleeping habits were still very askew, so it was pretty late. By this time, a lot of day walkers would be asleep and the nocturnal creatures would just be rising. This thought deterred Marceline from her plan to visit Bubblegum at her castle, but she hadn't spent time with the princess as a friend since the witch cursed her. But, even before she was human, amiable moments were fleeting between them. They often fought and disagreed, but Marceline liked it somehow. She enjoyed having someone who wasn't scared to speak against her, but there were times the mock fights became real. Those were the ones Marceline wished weren't apart of their relationship. They made her second guess herself, feel inadequate in comparison to Bubblegum, feel truly like a monster. Her standard response was to lash out, and one time, she went a little too far.

They were having a debate about the value of life. Marceline wasn't alive, so she didn't value it at all, but Bubblegum thought that approach was "barbaric". She was furious with Marceline for being so careless, for believing that killing someone who was a problem was the right way to fix things. That was the fight that broke their friendship, or whatever they called the thing they had.

Now that Marceline was mortal with a chance of dying, she was able to see where Bubblegum was coming from. She'd selfishly separated families, heartlessly let people die, all because she didn't have the option to die; she took life for granted.

But she'd watched how happy the people she saved were, how relieved their loved ones seemed. Their appreciation for Marceline was fervent. These reactions had affected her to some degree, unravelled some type of compassion within her. She didn't want to care about anyone more than the select few who had wormed themselves into her heart, but becoming human messed up her emotions. It was like they were more powerful now, awoken after a thousand years of sleep.

Consumed in her reflections, Marceline was unaware that she had entered the Candy Kingdom, had walked to the castle and been allowed in by the Banana Guards. Well, not necessarily, since they had fallen asleep at their post, but the human thought it best not to announce her presence. She'd always had a knack for sneaking around in people's homes without them realising. It would just be more challenging with her lack of vampiric powers, and that only made it more exciting.

There were a number of close calls, though Marceline made it to Bubblegum's room without being detected. She tested the handle and it was unlocked. She pushed open the door slipped in through the crack.

Bubblegum wasn't asleep yet, and the creak of her door had drawn her attention from the book she was reading.

"Marcy? What are you doing here?" she asked, closing the book and setting it aside.

Marceline studied her, noting the shirt she'd gifted the princess all those years ago serve as a pyjama top. The garment was rare. The band it was for only had a limited amount of shirts which they shot from canons on stage during one of their few short-lived concerts they'd put on before disbanding soon after. Marceline managed to catch one and Bubblegum was a little sad that she didn't have a unique souvenir from her first rock concert, so Marceline had kindly, with a flushed face and mumbled excuses, given Bubblegum the shirt as a memento.

"Nothing really. Are you busy?"

"Not anymore."

"Wanna hang out?"

"And do what exactly? It's a little late."

Marceline grinned and swept across the room, joining Bubblegum on her bed. Her chipped tooth gave her smile a mischievous edge and she moved closer to the princess. Brown eyes striped with gold gleamed in the lamplight like stars. She drew towards Bubblegum's ear and gently said, "Sneak out with me and I'll show you."

Bubblegum tried to subtly shimmy away from the hot breath upsetting her skin, but Marceline only mirrored her movements. The shifts in the human's behaviour were nothing new. At times, she was shy when Bubblegum showed her kindness, reluctant to accept praise or affection, but then there were times, when in a more intimate location, usually by night, when Marceline was a confident flirt. The princess never retaliated, because she wasn't sure if it was part of some twisted one-sided game and her participation would cause Marceline to become withdrawn or repulsed. Bubblegum couldn't afford to put their slowly rekindling friendship at risk for the sake of exploring something that might not even be there.

"Oh, no… I couldn't. What if Peppermint discovered that I was gone? He'd panic and the castle staff would follow suit," the princess demurred lightly, though she was very tempted to see where the human wanted to take her. In the past, Marceline wouldn't have given her an option. It seemed gaining humanity had turned her gracious.

"They won't find out," Marceline urged, seductive gaze morphing into an eager smile. The human leapt to her feet, still on the bed, and thrust out her hand. "Trust me."

This was more than an offer to spend time together. This was clarification. Marceline had infiltrated the castle, which was her usual habit when they had been friends, barged into Bubblegum's chambers, again, as had been usual, wanting the princess to join her in her shenanigans. By relapsing into past routines, maybe Marceline was hinting that she wanted things to be that way again. The princess was positive that that was her reason for being there.

And, although Marceline was a troublemaker and had gotten Bubblegum into some unwanted situations, she could never say no to an adventure with the former vampire queen. She couldn't deny that she often had fun during their outings and she hadn't done anything thoughtless or on impulse in a few months.

She took Marceline's warm hand and welcomed the kidnapping.

* * *

Bubblegum clutched the Morrow's feathers with brutal force. She didn't intend to hurt the bird, but he was flying so fast (under Marceline's instruction) that her crown, which she'd failed to remove beforehand, had been knocked off and had fallen somewhere in the castle gardens. She feared she would fall off if she loosened her hold in the slightest.

Marceline was shouting directions, avoiding naming the destination, so the alleged surprise wouldn't be spoilt. She hoped it was somewhere secluded, as Marceline hadn't even allowed her to change into something more publically appropriate.

"How much further?!" Bubblegum called over the rush of the wind as Marceline pumped her fist in the air, cheering as she recklessly mounted Morrow's neck and sent him into a startled nosedive. The human cackled manically and Bubblegum reached around her and grabbed Morrow's head, lifting it before they crash-landed. The large eagle shot upwards and at Bubblegum's desperate command, slowed down.

The princess' cheek had been squashed against Marceline's back and her arms were loosely circling the human's waist, but now that Morrow had steadied, she sat up straight. However, she didn't release her grip. She slid her hands back to rest on the human's belted hips.

"You gonna let go any time soon?" Marceline asked, turning her head, smirking tauntingly at the monarch.

"No way. I need to keep you from trying something like that again."

"Don't lie. You just wanna hug me," Marceline teased.

"Don't act like you don't want me to," Bubblegum countered.

Marceline blushed and she whipped around, hoping Bubblegum hadn't seen the bright scarlet colouring her cheeks. She grumbled inaudibly, hating that the princess had such an impact on her. No matter how much time she put between them, or what kind of relationship they shared, be it enemy or friend, Marceline's feelings never changed.

With a huff, she pointed Morrow down to a forest just west of the Candy Kingdom. The eagle fluttered through a parting in the thick canopy of leaves and landed. Marceline jumped off and helped Bubblegum down.

The forest was alight with fireflies. They danced and buzzed and Morrow hopped around, trying to snap them up. Bubblegum laughed as Marceline tried to catch some, too. She clapped her hands, trying to cage the bugs within her fingers, but they slipped away and the human soon tripped over a branch and landed in front of Morrow. He looked at her as she stood up and took a step closer. He then pecked at one of her pockets. She curiously stuffed her hand in it and pulled out whatever had attracted the bird. It was dirt. The three stood in the shadows of the trees, watching the pile of earth as it started to tremble.

A worm popped out.

Morrow greedily swiped it and launched into the air, leaving the way he'd come with his meal.

Marceline stared at the dirt crumbling through her fingers.

Bubblegum slapped the human's arm and knocked the dirt to the ground.

"That's disgusting, Marceline!" she exclaimed, wincing when she thought what else might be hiding in her pockets. Marceline only shrugged.

"Being a hero can get… dirty," she joked lamely, grinning.

Bubblegum rolled her eyes, unamused. A lascivious seductress one minute, and a goofy child the next. Sometimes Marceline really was a mystery wrapped in an enigma, coated with a layer of obnoxiousness.

"Are you going to tell me why you brought me to a dark forest in the middle of the night?" she asked impatiently.

Instead of answering, Marceline tilted her head back and howled.

Bubblegum, befuddled, waited silently for a proper reply. Things were becoming stranger and stranger and Marceline's responses so far hadn't been the least bit helpful. The human continued to ignore her as she howled again. Then she crouched down low to the ground, snatching the princess' hand and dragging her into the same position.

"Don't move," she demanded quietly.

"What-" Bubblegum was cut short as a huge blur burst from the bushes and ploughed into Marceline. She tumbled back into the grass as more and more dark flashes emerged from other directions and lunged for the human. When they stopped, Bubblegum was shocked to find Marceline covered in wolves, licking her face and whimpering and wagging their tails.

Marceline laughed and sat up. She shoved a hand through the crowd of fluff and waved Bubblegum over. The princess nervously shuffled closer to the wolves. When one caught the movement, he turned around and stared at Bubblegum, hackles raised. Bubblegum froze as the pack stopped greeting Marceline, six sets of golden eyes now trained on her. The human crawled past them and joined Bubblegum's side, sliding an arm around her shoulders to indicate their friendship. She beckoned the wolves with a hushed voice.

And soon, the pack leader, a large black wolf Marceline had named Tank, stepped forward. He cautiously sniffed the princess, who fell back from her crouch and landed on her butt, trying to form some kind of distance between her and the invasive creature. She was very frightened as she had a bad experience with wolves before. She'd almost been killed.

Tank glanced at Marceline, who nodded, and then he licked Bubblegum's cheek. The princess' fear began to ebb when the rest of the pack joined the alpha and timidly licked or nuzzled her, tails swishing.

"I knew they'd accept you. What do you think of them?" Marceline wondered, lowering her arm from Bubblegum's shoulders so she could stroke two of the six wolves that collapsed to the ground and rested their heads in her lap.

"Oh, Marcy, they're spectacular. I've only ever read about wolves interacting this way with their own pack."

"I'm part of the pack… and now you are as well," she said fondly, her lips arched in a soft smile Bubblegum had seldom seen. It was one of her favourite expressions. She returned it.

"Thank you."

The princess scanned the wolves in the glow of the fireflies and noticed one was limping as he chased one of his pack mates. He stopped occasionally and peered at Marceline, as if he expected her to join the game. She didn't.

"What happened to him?" Bubblegum pointed to the wolf in question.

"These poor guys are always being hunted. That's Buster; he was shot with an arrow a couple months back. I got it out for him, but I think he might always have that limp," Marceline explained sadly. It was clear that she cared for these animals.

"That's terrible."

"It's because everyone thinks wolves are savage and wild, something to be afraid of. But they're just misunderstood. They are actually really sweet," she said, scratching a grey wolf behind the ear lovingly.

Something brushed through Marceline's hair and she turned, thinking it was one of the wolves preparing to play tug-of-war with her scalp, but discovered that it was Bubblegum running her fingers through her trimmed locks tenderly.

"Like you," she whispered.

Marceline froze.

Did Bubblegum really just say that?

"Huh?"

The princess giggled, leant over and kissed her cheek. The wolves had settled down and rested either on or around the two, and Bubblegum reluctantly shifted Buster's head, which was heavy on her leg, and climbed to her feet.

"It was fantastic meeting the pack, Marcy, and I hate to cut it short, but the sun is rising and I need to get home before someone realises I'm gone. Let's do this again."

Marceline was still paralysed from the kiss, but she managed a small, "Yeah."

Bubblegum summoned Morrow and said goodbye to the wolves, petting them and hugging those that were willing to jump up and dirty her nightshirt with their paws. They all whined when Bubblegum mounted her bird and waved. The human returned the gesture robotically and watched the mighty eagle flap its wings and disappear through the canopy.

Marceline sighed and Tank worriedly pressed his snout against her arm. She lifted it and curled it around the wolf's back.

"That's her guys; the one I told you about. It's hard not to like her, right?"

Buster whimpered.

"She'll never feel the same," she muttered bitterly.

Elena, a sandy coloured wolf, growled, nudging the human's foot in disagreement.

"Shut up," she snapped, shifting her foot away and burying her face in Tank's neck. "It's not gonna happen. She's too good for me."

Marceline, now miserable despite such a magical, albeit brief, time with Bubblegum, didn't go home. She stayed with the wolves. She loved roughhousing with them and terrorising strangers on occasion, but the pack was also like a family to her. They knew when she needed a calm night to set her head straight, and they shared her pain and expressed it exactly the way she did: through song.

No one in Ooo noticed how much more mournful the wolves' howls were that night.

* * *

**With this development, how will Marceline deal with the following dates Jake sets up for her? And will Finn crack now that he has competition (in more ways than one)? Only I know and only by sticking around can you find out, not that you have to.**

**Thoughts?**


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